Saturday, August 11, 2012

What Should We Do?


For most pastors talking about sex - with youth or adults - is off-limits, taboo, delicate and anxiety inducing. Personally, the thought of starting a conversation about sex from scratch in a congregation makes me feel like this:

Is it even worth trying? 

My experiences as a youth, working with youth, and working in churches tell me YES. It is worth the risk, the effort, and the difficulty. The question is how? And perhaps even before that, why? Why is it so important?

In Margaret Farley's Just Love: A Framework for Christian Sexual Ethics she argues that justice and sex are intimately related: 
"In a century that has seen rape as a part of military strategy, poverty as a result of lack of reproductive choice, industries based on the economic exploitation of sex, race joined with gender and class to determine the employment options of groups, the development of a sexual ethic can not be a trivial concern." (p. 13) 

It is not hard to see that the societies of our world struggle with sexual ethics on a broad scale. Sex has always been a public issue, even though it is largely a private act. Our own country has a complex history, politically and religiously, with the control and legislation of sexual activity. If history teaches us we can find that control and legislation have done more harm than good, and it has not contributed to a just sexual ethic. Additionally, sex has become intimately tied to our economy and is continuously used as a marketing tool. Advertising sells sex in a particularly harmful way: saying that sex (and sexiness) is the ultimate ideal, but it is always just out of reach. Never are we "enough" as sexual beings. 

In this sexually polluted marketplace we call "home," how are we to navigate our sexuality and sexual relationships? Even for adults with level heads and reasoning skills it is a daunting task. How much more daunting is it for our children and young adults? How should the church be serving the people of God in this matter?

The "who" and "how" are are now pressing for attention. For the purposes of my project the "who" are Christian congregations, particularly the youth and young people of these congregations as a part of the larger inter-generational whole. My claim is that sex education (of both the biological and spiritual sort) is not a problem for youth and youth ministers alone. Without the support of mentors, the language to speak openly, and the confidence of a listening ear our youth will never develop of sexual ethic they believe in and can actively follow. Without the support of their whole congregation youth will be unable and ill equipped to embrace their God-given sexuality without considerable harm in the process. In turn, congregations and the individuals, couples, and families within them will be unable to bring the whole of themselves and their relationships to their spiritual community and even to God. 

This leaves a gaping hole in our larger society. There are many loud voices about Christian sexuality that are easily accessible. They offer concrete answers as to what activities are allowed and in what contexts. These louder voices often support gender roles that suppress women and leave no room for sexual expression between members of the same-sex. Statistics show us that these "programs" for sexual ethics or conditioning don't work. Teens who take a vow of chastity until marriage only delay sexual activity and are more likely to substitute anal or oral sex for vaginal intercourse, and they are less likely to use condoms during any of these activities. STD rates are approximately the same between virginity pledgers and non-pledgers. 

Churches that are typically classed as liberal or progressive are much quieter in comparison to the louder more conservative voices. It's my project (which you can keep up with on this blog) to find out what churches should be doing to fill the gap and encourage healthy, faithful relationships (sexual or not) between congregants. I hope to find some of the quiet voices that are speaking and highlight their work and offer suggestions as to the duty we as the Church have both to our young people and our world. 

What do you think we should do? What isn't working? More importantly, what IS working?

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Scarleteen

Friends,

Though my project is largely concerned with sex ed in a religious context, I wanted to lift up this educational resource aimed at teens and folks in their 20's. Like many of the Christian sex ed resources I'm studying (a report on those coming soon) Scarleteen firmly believes in the decision making power and agency of teens - IF they are given accurate information!

I haven't done a lot of searching around on their website (I've only spent an hour or so browsing) but it seems to provide accurate and helpful information about STI's, contraception, and all sorts of other body questions. It also provides reasoning tools and a readiness checklist for teens trying to discern if they are ready to be sexually active. It provides information about what "consent" means, and provides resources for teens exploring their sexuality intellectually, emotionally, and physically. It's also incredibly interactive with well-monitored message boards and a text-your-question option that will connect you with a staff person or volunteers.

Click here to access their page for "first time visitors." I searched "religion" in their search engine and came up with a number of articles and questions dealing with religious themes. A great many of them (possibly even the majority) are from young people struggling to reconcile their faith traditions teaching about sex (as sinful, as reserved for a marriage, as off-limits for discussion, etc) with their friend's activities, their own discovery of sexuality, or even dealing with sexually traumatic experiences. Most posts refer readers to their pastor, rabbi, or religious leader for questions about the theological underpinnings to their understandings of sex but readers are also encouraged to do some research on their own (reading books, talking to friends and people of all ages, seeking out multiple voices within their faith tradition, and self examination).

It's a pretty amazing resource for young people seeking accurate information about their bodies and tools for navigating through the hormones.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

Twilight Revelations

After my last post on what Eighters Camp seeks to teach or accomplish, I wondered (and you may have, too), "Does it really work?" 
Every program must be able to demonstrate it's efficacy. So, does Eighters work? 

I'm still sifting through my interviews and notes from camp, but one memory in particular stands out:

After camp, Sarah went home and flipped through her Student Resource Manual. While at camp she had been re-reading Twilight, the now [in]famous vampire and werewolf teen Bible. It's one of her favorite books. As she got to the end of her manual she saw the "Controlling Relationship Checklist." As she read a few of the statements on it, she flipped through the first few chapters of Twilight and compared Edward Cullen's behavior to the checklist and she discovered....

Edward Cullen is a controlling boyfriend!



You may be wondering, "What's the big deal?" The big deal is that for our current generation of young teenagers (and even a strange group of women called "Twimoms") Edward Cullen has been made into the epitome of romance and desire. In reality, his behavior is controlling, over-protective, diminishes Bella's desires, etc. etc. It's all there in the checklist! 

Sarah's revelation was a sign to me that Eighters works. She immediately applied knowledge that she acquired at camp, used the resources she was provided with to check out a hunch, and evaluated a character who was her heart-throb. She then decided that he wasn't all that worthy of her love and affection, after all! 

I would say that it's a miracle, but really: it's just camp.   It works.  


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PS. This one's just for fun: